Funny Articles III

In Off-topic





A controversial radio DJ's wife sold his £25,000 sports car on eBay for just 50p after he flirted with Jodie Marsh on air.

Kerrang 105.2's Tim Shaw told the model he was prepared to leave his wife and their two children for her, reports Metro.

Wife Hayley was listening and immediately posted an advert for the Lotus Esprit Turbo with a 'Buy It Now' option of 50p.

The item description read: "I need to get rid of this car in the next two to three hours before my husband gets home to find it gone and all his belongings in the street

The car sold within five minutes.

On a previous occasion, the DJ upset Mrs Shaw, 27, when she was pregnant by ringing her sister live on air and saying he thought about her while having sex with his wife.

Mrs Shaw said: "When he said he would leave me and the kids for Jodie Marsh, that was it for me. I am sick of him disrespecting this family for the sake of his act.

"The car is his pride and joy but the idiot put my name on the log book so I just sold it. I didn't care about the money, I just wanted to get him back."

She added: "There is no hope for a reconciliation." A Kerrang 105.2 spokesperson said the DJ was 'absolutely gutted'.





A randy donkey has been banished to a deserted island after harassing female donkeys at a Croatian national park.

Aga the donkey used to badger his favourite females for sex as much as 16 times a day.

Park officials acted after tourists complained that whenever they visited the park all the donkey seemed to be doing was trying to have sex.

They also complained that the other donkeys were no longer so friendly and spent all their time hiding from Aga.

The herd of wild donkeys had until recently been a major attraction for tourists in the popular Telascica National Park in southern Croatia.

Park officials say the rest of the herd seems happier and healthier since Aga was caught and shipped off to the deserted island of Dugi Otok.

A spokesman for the national park said Aga had plenty of food and water on the island, and would be kept there until he "clamed down".

The spokesman said: "The other donkeys in the park were hiding to avoid Aga and that meant they were not mixing with the tourists. But now Aga has gone they have come out of hiding and are happily mixing with the visitors again."





A Serbian man who has invented a sex machine for women is appealing to western women to test his deVice.

Nesa Proka, from the central town of Krusevac, made the appeal after failing to find any willing Serbian women.

He has taken out a patent on what he says is the "ultimate sex aid" for lonely women after spending three years working on it.

The machine, which runs on a 390 volt electric engine, simulates sex and has a seven and a half inch artificial 'penis'.

He said: "My sex machine has an artificial penis that can make up to 180 moves in a minute. A man can only manage that intensity of movement for about five seconds but the machine can do it for as long as the woman wants.

"And it comes with a set of controls to fully regulate the speed and intensity a woman for individual sex."

But Proka said he would have to market it in the west because he had not been able to find any Serbian woman to test it out.

"Western women are more liberal. I couldn't find a woman here to try the sex machine," he told local daily Glas Javnosti.

But he did admit that some local women were curious about his invention and a few had come into his garage where he keeps it locked away just to look at it.

One reportedly told the newspaper: "If I had a machine like that at home I would never go outside the front door."





A US man was arrested after a teenage girl saw him staring up at her from a cesspit below a toilet seat.

Police pulled the 45-year-old from the waste tank under a public toilet at a beauty spot in Albany, New Hampshire.

Captain Jon Hebert, of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department, said firefighters hosed the man down before police handcuffed him.

"We had to decontaminate him. We treated him as if he were hazardous material," he told the Union Leader.

"I started this business in 1980, and I have never in my career encountered anybody in this type of situation."

The man, from Gardiner, Maine, was arrested in the White Mountain National Forest after the 14-year-old girl's parents called the police.

Police said the door to the waste tank was locked so he must have gone in through the toilet. He was wearing waders.

Police charged the man with criminal trespass, and say he could face more charges.





Gravediggers in a Belgian city have been criticised for holding a barbecue party in a cemetery.

It follows a complaint from a couple who visited the cemetery at Merksem, Antwerp, to visit the grave of their son.

François and Magda Boljau were shocked to find the gravediggers holding a party in a shed at the cemetery, reports Het Nieuwsblad.

Mrs Bolijau said: "It was happening only 15 metres from his grave. The music of 'Sex bomb, sex bomb' was coming very loud from the loudspeakers.

"Children were playing between the graves. I couldn't stand it and ran away in tears."

Alderman Erwin Pairon, who is responsible for Antwerp's cemeteries, said he was very annoyed with the gravediggers.

The gravediggers insisted they held a party every year in the same shed and that nobody had complained before.

But Alderman Pairon said: "Next year, they have to move. I understand it is very upsetting for the parents to have to listen to a party when they came to mourn."

(Why does this sound like a redneck thing to do???)
More to come........

HAHAHAHAH!!!!

Hey Jenni could you not write in red text again, my eyes hurt.


Any chance of Funny Articles 4?

I saw that auction for the Lotus a couple of weeks ago but Ebay has taken it down now. Not sure why they did that, I didn't think selling a ridiculously cheap car broke any of their terms and conditions. The person who bought it surely couldn't have been able to believe it as they drove off in their new 50p Lotus!

Didn't they just take it down because too many people visited the site?